House on Sand

I once heard this song about building houses on sand and how they fell apart due to not having a solid foundation, but I wanted to test this theory for myself. After all, how do we know that a house needs a solid foundation? What if it was just a big myth? I’ve always wanted to live on the Mornington Peninsula, so I went to a construction company around there and told them to build me a house on the sand of Safety Beach. Eventually, I found a house builder who agreed to take the project on.

I’m getting sidetracked here, but did you know that Safety Beach used to be called Shark Bay? This was back in the 60s when a lot of cattle farms nearby would attract sharks to the area. Of course, people were afraid to go swimming there because of the name, even after all the sharks left because the farms got shut down. They changed the name to attract tourists, and now it’s one of Melbourne’s most popular beaching spots. Anyway, the sharks may not be as gone as we thought they were, but I’ll get to that soon.

So yeah, the new home builders from the Mornington Peninsula agreed to build me a house on the sand. It went really well until it fell apart after a few days. I was hanging out on my couch when I felt my house moving a bit. The next thing I knew, the floorboards underneath me were moving out to the ocean. Now I’m floating in the middle of Port Phillip Bay, surrounded by sharks. I guess they are still here, although a little further away from the beach than before. They look very hungry, which has me more than a little worried. Do you know what makes this even worse? I don’t know how to swim. My couch is holding up for now, but eventually, it’s going to start sinking. What do I do, then?

Please send help.

– Jeff