Property Easy As Pie

What do you call a guy who’s completely bamboozled by legal terminology? There’s no punchline to that; it’s a legitimate question.

…I’ll be here all night; try the lobster.

Anyway, that’s where my brain’s at as of wading through the pile of forms, contracts and fine print provided to me by the real estate agent, my bank and my solicitor over past week.

The good news is that I’ve finally done it – I’ve bought a house! I reckon that falls into the category of good news, despite the fact that the deluge of paperwork seems never-ending. And don’t even get me started on the fees… but, of course, that’s all part and parcel of the process, which I’d never have been able to see out with the professional legal assistance.

I went into this pretty darned uninformed, I have to say. I didn’t really stop and think about what’s involved in carrying out property transfers. Melbourne homeowners – how did you fare with the legal aspect of buying property? Is everyone as clueless as I currently feel when they first get involved in this? Or did I miss a memo for a class on how to do grown-up things somewhere along the line?

Presumably, that’s where everyone except me learnt about Section 32 statements. Seriously – what are they? What is the Sale of Land Act 1962? Why do all the homes I’ve inspected smell like the exact same type of baking pie? And why, for the love of god, can’t the real estate agent spell my name right by now? All these questions and more remain, for the most part, a mystery to me.

And yet, here I am, having successfully bought a house! The trick? Hire a conveyancer early on – it’s worth the money, trust me. I have no doubt that if I’d tried to get beyond vision-boarding real estate photos on my own, I’d have lost a fortune on stuffing things up.